There's still fire in me yet? Yea!!

These past couple of weeks have been a powerful reminder of how unconsciously I've been seeking a casual relationship with Jesus. And while God has brought this to my attention especially as of late, it's been a defining characteristic of my whole Christian life. I read the radical and offensive teachings of Jesus in the Gospels and they challenge me, just not near enough, I guess. His life on earth was revolutionary, self-sacrificing and singular in purpose, whereas mine could be better described as boring, self-serving and purposeless. Well, perhaps not purposeless, but certainly with a purpose deeply frustrated by my fears and insecurities. As a result, I'm discontented. Discouraged. Disheartened. I know this isn't the abundant life that Jesus promised His followers.

May God give me, and all of us, grace upon grace to live life more as we were intended to. Because we're in the fight of our lives. There's no other way to put it. And I don't know about you, but I feel like I'm fighting in the dark and with one hand tied behind my back. Sometimes both. The only remedy? Clinging to God's Word all the more tightly! Now, if only I would listen to my own advice...

I love music, and a band that has offered a lot of encouragement to me lately is Switchfoot. Whenever I begin to despair over there ever being an end to my fear, I hear in Jon Foreman's lyrics a similar sentiment, but also something quite different. Far from mere acquiescence, he expresses nothing less than an outright and holy hatred of his fear. Just like Ransom in Perelandra (C.S. Lewis's Space Trilogy, you should read them if you haven't!), he realizes that hatred is not only o.k. sometimes, but absolutely necessary. We must hate evil, for he hates us. We are called to fight him with all we have. But, thank God, we are not called to fight alone. We can do all things through Him who strengthens us. Because I'm furious. I'm fed-up with living in fear. Jesus, help me.


Burn Out Bright

Does it have to start with a broken heart
Broken dreams and bleeding parts
We were young and world was clear
Young ambition disappears
I swore it would never come to this
The average, the obvious

I'm still discontented down here
I'm so discontented

If we only got one try
If we only got one life
If time was never on our side
Before I die I want to burn out bright

So a spark ignites
In time and space
To make it through this human race
You fight and crawl your way back home
But you're running the wrong way

The future is a question mark
With kerosene and electric sparks
There's still fire in you yet
Yeah there's still fire in you

If we only got one try
If we've only got one life
If time was never on our side
Before I die I want to burn out bright

I can't clean up the mess I've made
I can't clean up the mess I've made

I can't sleep in the bed I've made
I can't sleep in the bed I've made

If we only got one try
If we only got one life
If time was never on our side
But before I die I wanna burn out
Before I die I wanna burn out
Before I die I wanna burn out
Before I die I wanna burn out bright

Not all the wanderings of her heart Can make His love for her depart

If honest, I'd have to say that my Mexico experience thus far has been neither boring nor predictable. Over these past three months, God has been showing me more of my sinfulness and more of His righteousness than ever before in my life. He has consistently shown me that I have very little real faith in what He can do and very low expectations of what He will actually do, "Look at the nations and watch— and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." (Hab. 1:5) Granted, I think this verse is talking more about Israel's looming captivity under the Babylonians, but it nevertheless also points to the coming and ultimate redemption of God's people in Jesus Christ. All that to say, God has been reminding me lately of my utter inability to comprehend the unspeakably glorious symphony of redemption that He is writing and will continue to until its completion the day Christ returns. I can't wait to hear the finished product, can you? That day, all of Creation will gasp, "Oh, so that's why He did it that way. Praise Him!"

I start with that to try and segue into this next story. In telling it, I believe it will be more effective if I spare none of the details. So, I'm officially giving it a rating of PG-13. Consider yourselves warned, all you 12-and-unders.


Ever since our arriving in Mexico City, our leadership encouraged each of us on the team to find a language partner with whom we could meet weekly to practice Spanish. Excited at the prospect, we all began searching. Not long after I started looking, I met a really cool guy named Mauricio working at the Starbucks near our apartment and asked him if he'd like to meet weekly to practice Spanish (for me) and English (for him). He gladly obliged, and we immediately began meeting once a week there at Starbucks. As the weeks progressed, in addition to getting to know him better, I also got to know many of his co-workers. As a result, it wasn't long before, every time I went to Starbucks, I would be warmly greeted by five or six people upon entering. I still marvel at the wonderful relationships that God has literally laid in my lap with the folks there. So cool. Anyway, having that as a little background, fast-forward to one night about a month ago. I had had a long day and felt like some decaf. I also needed to check email, so I decided to stop by on the way home. As I walked in, I was met with the usual chorus of friendly greetings. After saying hello and ordering, I was standing and talking with the girl at the register, when I felt someone poke me on the shoulder. I turned around to see a man who looked to be in his late thirties and was wearing an Abercrombie shirt. He said his name was Miguel.

Miguel was curious as to how in the world I knew so many people at Starbucks and asked if I'd like to join he and his companion outside on the patio. Somewhat hesitantly, I agreed. So, I joined the two of them, the other being a woman named Gris who looked to be in her late twenties, and they both began to ask me questions about myself. I told them why I'm here in the city, what sort of work I'm doing, and why Jesus Christ is the most significant part of who I am. From there, as we started to discuss religion, I learned that Miguel grew up Catholic, but ran away at 15, both from home and from religion, because of his abusive, alcoholic father. In his early twenties, he converted to Judaism just so that he could marry a Jewish girl. After several years, they divorced, but he retained his Jewish faith, at least to some degree, he claimed. Not long after, he started a very successful web-design company (which Gris is employed by) and has become quite wealthy as a result. Also, that night he confessed that recently, he had come to the conclusion that all religions lead to God and that it's egotistical and pretentious to claim anything else. We ended up talking for a couple of hours more (well, mainly Miguel and I, Gris didn't say much) before exchanging contact information, promising to be in touch soon and going our separate ways.

Two days later, I received an email from Gris saying that she and Miguel would love to have me over to their office/apartment that night for pizza, but only on one condition: that we not talk about religion, as she said that religion, politics and soccer are all the same. Everybody has a strong and different opinion about them and you can spend hours arguing about them without getting anywhere. I wrote her back saying that of course I'd love to come and no, we didn't have to talk about religion anymore if she didn't want to. So, that night over Papa Johns, we discussed the differences between American and Mexican culture, and which of the two I preferred. This went on for most of dinner, until completely out of nowhere, Miguel turned to me and asked if I agreed with him in thinking that God doesn't like sex. I immediately flashed a desperate look at Gris, as if to say, "He brought it up, I didn't say a word!" She rolled her eyes and smiled, which I took not so much as her approving of it, but more as her willingness to temporarily tolerate Miguel's controversial new tangent.

As we moved our discussion into the living room, I began to explain what the Bible says about sexual purity, why God designed sex to be enjoyed exclusively in the context of marriage, and that I genuinely believe that God is not a kill-joy; on the contrary, He created the Law because He loves us and knows what is best for us. He created us to know intimacy, including sexual intimacy, but sexual intimacy can only be properly enjoyed when it's coupled with faithful monogamy. At this point, Gris spoke up. With no warning, she asked me if I was a virgin, and, laughing a bit out of surprise, I said yes. Awkwardly, I then tried to steer the conversation in a new direction. But, to no avail. Miguel was amused by her question, even more at my response, and proceeded to ask me several more even less appropriate questions. Fortunately, they did eventually tire of it and we went on talking for another hour about some of the other claims of Christianity before I finally thanked them for the evening and left.

I didn't hear from them again until I returned from Acapulco. The night I got back, Miguel called me and said he'd love to meet for coffee the following night. I told him sure. So, the next night, we met at Starbucks, but this time Gris wasn't with him. We began to talk, and right away I could tell that there was something on his mind. It was no surprise then, when he confessed that he needed to tell me something. He asked me if it had struck me weird at all the way he had approached me that first night in Starbucks. I said not really. He then proceeded to begin talking about Gris. I wasn't sure why he had changed the subject to her, but I listened. He told me a little about her upbringing, what a great girl she was and how lucky he was to have her working for him. He then told me how, several years before, she had fallen deeply in love with a man and that they were soon engaged. Then, several months before the wedding, he got into a car crash and died. Miguel said that, shortly afterwards, she abandoned her Catholic faith, swore she would never try to marry again, and began pursuing one-night stand after one-night stand with men. I was beginning to see where this might be headed. He added that she hated being pursued, instead preferring to do the pursuing. So, he continued, "Basically that night, she saw you walk in and asked me to bring you over. Also, it was her idea to ask you over for dinner, but after learning that you were a virgin, she lost interest." He paused to see how I would react. Honestly, I had no words. In that moment, God was breaking my heart for Gris. I was sorry that she had given her heart away, only to have it broken. I was sorry that, as a result, she had sworn never to love again, for fear of having it broken again. I was sorry that she thought that giving herself to guy after guy would heal her broken heart. I was angry that she has to live in a fallen world where a malevolent Being is actively seeking her misery and destruction, and she doesn't even realize it. I wanted so badly to tell her that she has a infinitely powerful Heavenly Father who has counted all of her tears, and who loves her more than she could ever imagine. I wanted to tell her that she is beautiful because she has been made in God's image. I wanted to tell her that her identity, therefore, rests in who God says that she is, not in what any man may tell her. I wanted to tell her all these things, and so much more. But, she wasn't there, so I couldn't. I wanted even to tell all this to Miguel, but all that ended up coming out was, "I'm so sorry to hear that about her fiance." He nodded, then changed the subject to something else and we continued talking for another hour or so. Then, we said our goodbyes and I headed home, completely overwhelmed by all that God had shown me that night. Honestly, I still am. God still has much work to do on me, but I've never before seen the power and truth of the Gospel as clearly as I do now. Praise Him!

Miguel and I haven't hung out since then. I hope we can soon.

Please be praying for the souls of Miguel and Gris, that God would reveal Himself to them and rescue them from their bondage to sin. Please pray for me, too, that, by the power of His Spirit, God would grant me love and wisdom in my relationships with them; that in all that I do, that I would point them to Jesus. What a creative and incomprehensible God we serve, who takes the most corrupt and perverted motives of the human heart and creates an opportunity for the Gospel to be preached. Truly, what man intends for evil, God intends for good. I'll keep you updated. Thanks for taking the time to read all this.

In Christ,

Tim

¡Perdónenme tanto!

My, my, my. Yet again, I have waited far too long to update, and I apologize. So much has happened since my last post. First, several Christ-centered movements have been started at new universities here in the city. Praise God for that. He continues to confound and exceed our expectations! Second, my team has left Mexico City two times, once to go to Acapulco for our mid-year conference in early November and once to go to Toluca to follow up with contacts that Campus Crusade summer projects had met with this past June and July. Third, we have a new president and he is the first african-american ever to hold the office! Regardless of what our political convictions may be, I doubt Martin Luther King and others in the civil-rights movement ever imagined anything like this happening as soon as it did. And as far as how I think Obama will do as president, I fear I am pathetically uninformed politically. I don't say this in false modesty or even to fish for compliments. Pathetic accurately describes the amount that I know about politics and I'm aware that that needs to change for me to be a responsible American citizen. That said, I am aware that our country is in a mess and I wouldn't wish the clean-up efforts onto the shoulders of any man, republican or democrat. May God truly bless America. He knows how badly we need it.

Anyway.... I'd love to let you all know how things have been going, as well as how the Acapulco and Toluca trips went. Basically, with each week here, we (or at least I :)) feel like things are getting better and better, slowly but surely. First of all, our language improvement goes through cycles, but, all in all, it continues to improve. At this point, I'm able to understand a minimum of 75-80% of what's said in any given conversation. If only I could say 75-80% of what I wanted to...oh well, with time. Secondly, our knowledge and familiarity of transportation logistics here have been steadily improving as well. Already, as we use it so regularly, our knowledge of the metro system is better even than some mexicans here. Third and most importantly, our job of going to college campuses, talking with and sharing the Gospel with non-Christians we meet and helping Christian student leaders we meet to start Bible studies, continues to get easier, too. Slowly. But, God's grace is indeed a soft place to land.

Also, in the first week of November, our team went to Acapulco for several days with three rough goals in mind: to rest, to assess what we've been doing well (and not so well) thus far and get to know one another a little better. All in all, it was a great time and I think that all three goals were well-met. I was especially encouraged by how well the third goal turned out, as each member of our team took the meyers-briggs and then we discussed the results afterwards in the context of how we can love and serve one another more like Christ now, knowing what we know about one another. I really enjoyed getting to know the team as well as myself a little better and I think God was glorified in the process. Oh, and if you're curious, I'm an INFP.

Then, after returning from Acapulco, we only had about two weeks before leaving again for Toluca. As I said before, the purpose of this trip was to re-connect with interested students there who had met americans during a Crusade summer project this past June and July. And to share the Gospel with as many students as possible. :) Going into it, I wasn't sure what to expect. Honestly, I didn't really like the idea of getting even more time taken out of our ministry here in the city before xmas, but as it turns out, I'm so grateful that we went. Words fail as I try to express the joy we felt in sharing Jesus with students! Some were just curious, others were hostile, but still others listened eagerly as we explained in broken Spanish how each of us is more sinful than we could ever dare to imagine, but in Christ alone, more forgiven than we'd ever dare to hope! I especially enjoyed some of my conversations with Catholics. Being able to tell them that they need no saints or even Mary as an intermediary between them and God, that because of what Christ accomplished once and for all on the cross, we are instead called to approach the throne of grace with confidence, planted seeds of doubt in the humanistic tradition that they've grown up in. Some were offended, but some wanted to know more. Praise God. I mean, what other religion can even come close to the radically offensive claim that our righteousness is not our own and must accepted freely as a gift? Oh, the glorious freedom we have in Christ to let go of ourselves! Praise Him.

Lastly, each of us on our team has picked one day every week to serve the city in some way. As a result, I've been spending my saturdays at Casa San Francisco, a home for abused and abandoned boys. My purpose has been to be a consistent older male presence there as well as to document their lives visually in hopes that more awareness about each of their situations might be raised. There are twelve of them in all, ranging in age from 9 to 16. I haven't gotten to spend as much time with them as I would have liked lately, but I've still been able to get to know a few of them pretty well and take some pictures too. Attached are several. More to come soon. God's peace and joy to you all.

Passion Follow-Up

This past Saturday, we had our follow-up meeting for students who attended Passion, learned about Enfoque Mexico, and were interested in starting spiritual movements on their campuses. And as we had printed 18,000 fliers about the meeting and ended up handing out a good number of them the second afternoon of Passion, we honestly had no clue how many people would show up. It was cool because there was no way that we could have any expectations. We could only pray and wait. Thanks to God's provision, we now have 55 new student leaders who are ready to take the Gospel to their universities!

Enfoque's job is now just to support and encourage them to do it! We want them to capture Enfoque's vision of reaching every university in the city with the Gospel for themselves. We want them to trust the Holy Spirit to work through them to do it. What we don't want is for them to rely too heavily on us. That's been a problem in the past. Students leaning too much on the visiting missional teams for the growth of their ministries. There have been instances where stinters continued to lead Bible studies week after week, when it would have been far better to let the Mexican students step up and take ownership of their own ministry. For, when the year is over and the stinters head back home, the Gospel goes with them.

We don't want that, and God certainly doesn't either. Please pray that the Spirit would give us wisdom to know how to help our students best take ownership where and when necessary, so that their ministries would be sustainable, that authentic disciples of Jesus would be made and that God would be glorified in the highest.

Thanks again to all of you who have kept our ministry and this city in your prayers. Please continue to pray that the light of the Gospel would shine out in the darkness and that the many beautiful, but lost people here would be liberated from their chains and would come to know Him who is their Creator and Redeemer. And please pray for us, that we would proclaim the Gospel clearly and boldly, as we ought to, but so often don't. He must increase and we must decrease!

And lastly, thank you for your patience in reading my well-intentioned, but often rambling thoughts. You are so kind.

Virginia on my mind,

Tim

Why can't I rest in Christ's sufficiency?

I listened to a great sermon this morning, the second in series that Shawn Slate, the UVa ruf pastor, is doing on Colossians this Fall. I must confess that, though I've really enjoyed and gotten a lot out of many talks that Shawn has given in the past, I only began listening to this latest series after a great recommendation from my friend Josiah. To be honest, I had been really hesitant to begin this series, and I couldn't tell you why, exactly. But I'm grateful to God for using to Josiah to pique my interest, for the message is something that I've needed to hear for quite some time. And not just hear. Meditate on. Rest in.

The funny part is that my team has even been doing a study on this book and Paul's timeless appeal to the church in Colosse to trust in Christ's sufficiency instead of their own had all but been lost on me during my previous studies. And, you know, I think it was lost on me because I wanted it to be. What, you say? How could that be? I know. I'm beginning to see more and more how reluctant my heart is to let go of its autonomy. Everyday, I have a myriad of choices, some little, some big. But regardless of size, each decision I make points beyond itself to a deeper reality of where my trust really lies. And sadly, most all of my decisions reflect an overt refusal to accept Christ as my King. I hate that about myself. But it is so true. I am so fake, so false, so full of sin. So unable to do anything on my own, except sin. But, you know what? The fact that I hate my sinful nature is something to rejoice in, for it's an unmistakable sign that God is working in me! Praise be to Him who is faithful to the unfaithful!

Wait, so maybe I am beginning to trust in His sufficiency, after all! Sure, the process is slow, ever so slow, and no doubt, God will be patiently teaching my heart this lesson for the rest of my life, but a quote from Slate's sermon gives me hope like I've never had before. Eugene Peterson once said,

"We like to think that spirituality is all about us, that it's about us trying to figure out how we can become more spiritual, that it's about us trying to figure out how we can read our Bibles better, that it's about us trying to figure out how we can pray better, that it's about us trying to figure out how we can be better, that it's about us trying to figure out how we can help people better and solve their problems better, that it's all about us. And the problem is that, as we think about spirituality, what we really want is to be the main character of our spiritual biography. We want to be the main character in our own spiritual story. That's what we want. And that is a detriment to true spirituality. Because true spirituality is found when you start thinking about yourself less and you start thinking about God more...Spirituality begins when you get so tired and fed up with yourself that you go on to something better. You go on to Jesus."

May God grant each of us this. And He will if we ask for it!

Love,

Tim

p.s. my longer update coming soon, les lo prometo...

¡Viva Passion!

Greetings everyone!

It has been such an exciting time of anticipation and preparation over the past several weeks as we've all been getting ready for Passion Mexico City '08! We've been pretty busy trying to get the word out about Passion to as many students as possible, and it was so encouraging to see the actual turn-out of students, the vast majority of whom we hadn't talked to about the event! In case you don't know, the Passion Conference (www.268generation.com) has been on a world tour this whole year, and Mexico City was stop 12 of 17. The event itself was this past weekend and over 8,000 people, most of whom were college students, attended! It was amazing to see so many young Mexicans gathered together, praising their Creator and praying for their city.

Also, on Saturday afternoon, all of us in Enfoque Mexico (Campus Crusade in Mexico City) had the oppurtunity to hand out fliers about the follow-up meeting that we're going to have for all those interested in starting Christ-centered movements on their campuses. As of yet, about 12 students have registered online for the meeting, and we're hoping for as many more as God wants! But, I have to keep reminding myself that He can use two students or two-hundred. After all, it's authentic faith in Him that can move mountains, not numbers. Please be praying for the meeting that we're going to have (it's this next Saturday the 11th), that God would be working and moving in all the hearts of those students He wants to have lead on their campuses.

Oh, and I didn't take these pictures. They were taken by a photographer named Jeremy Cowart, who Passion hired to help document the World Tour. He's a Christian, a talented photog and a really cool dude, to boot. You should check out his website: www.jeremycowart.com.

Grace and peace from God our Father through the Lord Jesus Christ. Estamos en contacto.

In the Secret of His Presence
by Sandra McCracken

In the secret of His presence
How my soul delights to hide
Oh how precious are the lessons
That I learn at Jesus' side

Earthly cares forever vex me
All my trials lay me low
But when Satan comes to tempt me
To that secret place I go -
To that secret place I go.

When my soul is faint and thirsty
'Neath the shadow of Your wings
There is cool and pleasant shelter
And a fresh and crystal spring

And my Savior rests beside me
As we share communion sweet
If I tried I could not utter
What He says when thus we meet;
What He says when thus we meet.

Only this I know; I tell Him
All my doubts, my griefs, my fears
Oh, how patiently He listens
And my sorrowed soul He cheers

Dare you think he ne'er reproves me
What a false friend He would be
If He never, ever told me
Of the sin which He must see -
Of the sin which He must see.

Would you like to know the sweetness
Of the secret of the Lord?
Go and hide beneath His shadow
And this shall then be your reward...

And whene'er you leave the silence
Of that happy meeting place
You will surely bear the image
Of the Master in your face;
Of the Master in your face.

chavos

Here's a foto of us today with the teenagers we'll be hanging out with every Saturday afternoon from now on.  They're all cool guys, but most of them have pretty sad stories.  They all work together on this corner in the zona rosa, washing the windshields of cars that are stopped at this intersection while the stoplight is red.  If they're lucky, they make 50 pesos (5 dollars) a day, which is hardly enough to support themselves, let alone a family.  They were all either drinking, huffing glue, or both, to dull the pain.  Please pray that God would reveal Himself to each of these brothers.

What a heavenly Father we have!

Hey everyone,

Greetings to you on this sunny Saturday morning here in D.F.  I just finished listening to a sermon, the second in a series of three on how to pray like Jesus, from Mars Hill Church in Seattle.  A guy named Mark Driscoll is the senior pastor there and I would highly recommend subscribing to his podcast if you haven't already.  God is definitely using him to do some  awesome things for the kingdom, not only in Seattle, but on a national level as well.  So, yea.  Check his podcast out.

Anyway, one of his points throughout this series has been that God truly is our dad, and that we should pray to him accordingly.  It's so wonderful to be reminded that our father is not distant, he's close.  Not judging, but compassionate.  Not cruel, but loving.  Not foolish, but wise (though most of the time I think I know better).  Desiring not just his own glory, but our joy as well, simultaneously!  

This afternoon, we're going to hang out with a group of kids who call the streets their home.  It's heart-breaking to imagine how most of them probably view their earthly fathers.  In fact, will talking with them about their heavenly Father only conjure up memories of being abused or abandoned?  How can we show them the love of the Father when so many of their earthly fathers did such a poor job of pointing to Him?  All we can do is love them like the Father in the power of Spirit, right?  Jesus came to bind up the broken-hearted, didn't He?  I pray that Jesus would show them that He died to save them, as He did for all people.  Even if they have never known love before, that, by God's grace, they would meet Love Himself today.  I pray that the kingdom of God would grow a little bigger today.  Paz y alegria en Cristo a todos uds.    

Why me?

Hey friends,

I just wanted to put up a really quick first post tonight.  It won't be long, as I've already spent most of the afternoon and evening putting together my first monthly update.  Nevertheless, I've been thinking a lot today about how loved and blessed I am and how little I deserve it.  In fact, I deserve none of it.  God is good.  He is so good!  Why do I get to be here in a city that I love, with new friends I love and who love me, with more than enough money to live comfortably, getting to learn and speak a language I love, getting to serve a people group I love?  And even as I sit here thinking about how blessed I am by God, I begin to miss the point.  It's not about me receiving gifts from Him.  It's not about me at all.  It's about Him!  Jesus, my savior, who died for me, an object of mercy who should have known wrath.  Indeed, He is so good!  Hallelujah!  

One final note for my friend Josiah:  your story about how God sometimes delights to bless us in strange ways, like when you saw lots of yellow butterflies that one day, came into my mind this morning.  Seriously, not ten seconds after it did, some of the biggest and most brilliantly sunshine-yellow butterflies I'd ever seen in my life fluttered by the window.  I really missed you then.  But then I remembered how much God must love us, and I felt better.  Love you bro.