There's still fire in me yet? Yea!!

These past couple of weeks have been a powerful reminder of how unconsciously I've been seeking a casual relationship with Jesus. And while God has brought this to my attention especially as of late, it's been a defining characteristic of my whole Christian life. I read the radical and offensive teachings of Jesus in the Gospels and they challenge me, just not near enough, I guess. His life on earth was revolutionary, self-sacrificing and singular in purpose, whereas mine could be better described as boring, self-serving and purposeless. Well, perhaps not purposeless, but certainly with a purpose deeply frustrated by my fears and insecurities. As a result, I'm discontented. Discouraged. Disheartened. I know this isn't the abundant life that Jesus promised His followers.

May God give me, and all of us, grace upon grace to live life more as we were intended to. Because we're in the fight of our lives. There's no other way to put it. And I don't know about you, but I feel like I'm fighting in the dark and with one hand tied behind my back. Sometimes both. The only remedy? Clinging to God's Word all the more tightly! Now, if only I would listen to my own advice...

I love music, and a band that has offered a lot of encouragement to me lately is Switchfoot. Whenever I begin to despair over there ever being an end to my fear, I hear in Jon Foreman's lyrics a similar sentiment, but also something quite different. Far from mere acquiescence, he expresses nothing less than an outright and holy hatred of his fear. Just like Ransom in Perelandra (C.S. Lewis's Space Trilogy, you should read them if you haven't!), he realizes that hatred is not only o.k. sometimes, but absolutely necessary. We must hate evil, for he hates us. We are called to fight him with all we have. But, thank God, we are not called to fight alone. We can do all things through Him who strengthens us. Because I'm furious. I'm fed-up with living in fear. Jesus, help me.


Burn Out Bright

Does it have to start with a broken heart
Broken dreams and bleeding parts
We were young and world was clear
Young ambition disappears
I swore it would never come to this
The average, the obvious

I'm still discontented down here
I'm so discontented

If we only got one try
If we only got one life
If time was never on our side
Before I die I want to burn out bright

So a spark ignites
In time and space
To make it through this human race
You fight and crawl your way back home
But you're running the wrong way

The future is a question mark
With kerosene and electric sparks
There's still fire in you yet
Yeah there's still fire in you

If we only got one try
If we've only got one life
If time was never on our side
Before I die I want to burn out bright

I can't clean up the mess I've made
I can't clean up the mess I've made

I can't sleep in the bed I've made
I can't sleep in the bed I've made

If we only got one try
If we only got one life
If time was never on our side
But before I die I wanna burn out
Before I die I wanna burn out
Before I die I wanna burn out
Before I die I wanna burn out bright